Monday, September 15, 2008

Supposed To Be...

*this entry is kinda long...

Based on their corrected age, hArith and athirAh turn one today. Yup, there are suppose to be 1 year old today, not 3 ½ months ago (6th June) It is nice to see them grow gracefully. I assume most of you know that I gave birth at 26 gestational week, that’s 14 weeks early (3 ½ months). I could still remember clearly just how tiny their little fingers and toes when they were born at 760grm and 600grm respectively. Oh of cause arwah alesYa was even smaller, 564grm.

How tiny they were...



I’m sure it is something common for every parent to walk down the memory lane of raising their son / daughter when their child turns 1. What we went through was totally different than those moms who give birth to a full term baby. It was the starting of a very long journey for us. Doctors did brief us that the first one week would be very crucial for them, a matter of they can survive or not. As they entered the 2nd week, what we fear would be virus infection. Trips to the hospital were our daily routine for the first 4 months. Of cause the first 2 months were the most critical moments, at the third month, hArith showed good progress and it was just a matter of gaining weight. athirAh’s progress was slower because she had PDA (patent ductus arteriosis).She had a ductus between her lungs and heart that wasn't closing. This ductus is supposed to be open in fetuses in utero. It supplies oxygen directly to their blood while their lungs are developing. It usually closes upon delivery with the first few breaths of air. Al-hamdulillah it closes or else she need to undergo a surgery at IJN (Institut Jantung Negara).

Well, lately I’ve been doing blog hoping of other premies. All the medical terms they used in their writing makes me feel dejavu; oxygen level, intubate, extubate, wind off,apnea, ROP, PDA, C-PAP, nasal canula and many more. Reading their moms’ writing brought me back to the experience we had to endure. At that time, whenever I see any survival preemie, I would tell myself that there are hope for my tiny tots hArith and athirAh. It would be such an inspiration each time I see a premie being discharged from the hospital. But then again, I couldn’t put hope too high cause mine was a multiple pregnancy. That’s totally different than the survival rate for preemie of a single pregnancy. But they were such a fighter.


Perhaps when u see these photos you would feel sad and sorry for them. Well I was at first, but each time I go n visit them, (despite all the tubes) they would open their eyes wide as though telling me everything is fine. Thus I didn't want to shed tears cause I want to be as strong as them.




their hand kena ikat coz they will cabut their tubes...kecik2 cili api!


So today, I would like to jot down the lil’ experience we had with our tiny tots and post some photos of them hoping that it would give some hope and light to other premie moms. I’m sure Allah knows best.

After months doing our regular visit; day and night, we became so familiar with all the equipment and procedure. In our morning trip, we would hope to bump with the Prof doing his morning rounds so we could ask him on our babies’ progress. If we miss him (because his rounds has no specific time) we would then asked other doctors and nurses. They were very friendly and would answer to our questions willingly. I can still remember one of the days when Prof was doing his round and approached athirAh. He asked me “how is athirAh?” I was confused with his question so I replied “aik, I thought I should be asking you that question?” With a smile, he answered; “but you are her mother and I’m sure you look at her in details…so anything today?”. Of cause he has a point. Every day we would see our babies in details and whenever we spot something wrong we would inform the staff. And on that particular day, I did spot something amiss….athirAh’s private part was a bit swollen. Thus I pointed it out to the Prof.

25th and 28th July was a remarkable date for me. I had the chance to change hArith’s and athirAh’s diapers for the 1st time. Some parents would reluctantly change their babies’ diapers whenever the made ‘business’, but I on the other hand been waiting for the moment to attend to my babies’ need. After almost 2 months we had the opportunity to hold our babies in our hand. All the while we could only touch them tenderly, rubbing lotion on their small fragile body.

Our first hug =)



I would look forward to every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday because those were the days that they took the babies’ weight. That would be the first question I asked upon seeing the nurse “hari ni berapa berat diorang?” Even the slightest weight of 5gram would be very much significant. And of coz I would be happy when they increased their feeding. They started off with only 2cc of milk. Try taking a syringe and see how much 2cc are. It’s just like few drops of milk. They drank using a tube.

-they no longer needed ventilator to help them breath but they still need their tube for feeding

Any phone call from the ward would make my heart drop. Almost stop. Fearing I would need to hear a bad news. When they had to undergo their laser treatment for their eye (ROP) I became so scared. Days before the surgery I would be surfing the internet to read up on ROP. About the risks my babies had to undergo. It was terrifying. Since they would undergo general anesthetic, we fear that they would have difficulty in breathing once the surgery completed. She was prone to apnea. We wouldn’t want them to be too dependent with the oxygen. After all too much oxygen could worsen their eye condition. Thus the faster they wind of the oxygen, the better it was.

athirAh went through more compared to hArith. Besides her having problem with PDA and ROP, she also had hernia that required a surgery to repair it. And also till today she have gag reflux problem. Reflux occurs when the ‘valve’ or opening between the esophagus (tube that connects the mouth and the stomoch) and the stomach is not tight, thus she tends to spit out her food because the ‘valve’ that supposed to prevent the food from going upwards is not really matured (read: does not fucntion at times). Well I’m not talking about small amout of spitting out but it comes out like a water fountain from her mouth.

We really admire how dedicated the doctors and nurses. Sacrificing their time for others. Some doctors spend more than 24 hours in the hospital and nurses who did double shift. We even made friends with the nurses. And we still keep contact with them till today.
Well looking back, we spent a majority of their early days worrying about the kind of future in store for them. hArith came home after 99 days and athirAh joined us after 124 days. We now feel very blessed to look at them today playing and laughing like everyday children.



Al-hamdulillah
**from time to time I would caught myself thinking of late Alesya Zara
I would wonder how life would be for us if we have all 3 with us. And I always wonder, how she would look like if she's alive? Would she have a face similar like any of her siblings or a totally different look...

30 comments:

mamalisa said...

your entry reminds me of my lil alisa..premiee baby. Were they at PPUM? Every time i memories how i gave birth to her i feel sad but I really thankful to Allah for the miracle..same goes to u i guess!

Timmy said...

Salam,

ur harith and Athirah's birthday is as same as mine... 6 June..
the sure did undergo a a tough period but they survived.. such a small fighter... :)

mOmmy of Triplets said...

mamalisa:
yup they were at PPUM, anak u pun ke? die preemie brapa weeker?

timmy:
yup..they are such a fighter.
wahh same bday, so u sure ingat kn bday anak2 i...
does tat means they will get presents from u...hihih

salzahari said...

remind me of my Ain Najwa, she cudnt't survive...sob..sob..AlFatihah

...about Journey Of Two... said...

Alfatihah... Allah lagi sayangkan mereka. Al-hamdulillah kepada baby2 yang survive. Allah buat aper yang terbaik.

jetsetter said...

Ya Allah.
I nangis okay baca ..:-(
seryesss sedey giller!
..Tiba2 rindukan anak2...

Ida said...

Alhamdulillah they now very active and look gorgeous...suka nengok muka ceria mereka...bahagiakan bila tgk anak2 membesar dgn sihat dan aktif...walaupun kekadang kita penat and marah tp bila mereka tidur kita rasa mcm bahagianya dgn ada nya mereka...

Jua Zulkef said...

semua ibu di dunia sgt istimewa. But my respect & salute lebih pada mom yg ada premiee baby , mom yg ada bb sakit critical n also c-sec mom.

Mun,
I think bukan ur twins aje yg fighter tp u gak mcm dorang..u fight with ur fierce, emo, hopes, etc

Zuhaini said...

oh.. premature rupanya.. siannya tgk time mereka with all the tubes.. (teringat kat Alia time dia di NICU..)

although Alesya x dapat survived, Allah ada perancangan lain agaknya...

Alhamdulillah, Harith n Athirah is doing great!

Fadzila said...

InsyaAllah Allah bagi yang terbaik bagi yang sabar...Alhamdulillah... tahniah to both of you and to the twins... take care...

mOmmy of Triplets said...

salzahari:
Al-fatihah to ur daughter. InsyaAllah they will wit for us akhirat nanti

about journey of 2 & fadzila:
Yup, Allah knows best

jetsetter:
entry ni bkn utk nanges2 lar..
entry ni supposed to be a happy one sbb now diorang dah besar n sihat!

ida:
mmg betul, bile tgk time tido rase cute je diroang and sgt peaceful. tp bile time buat meragam diorang..ish geramnyeee...hilang segala cute...hihi

jua:
tu lah bile i tgk mothers wiz anak2 yang ade critical illness, i think wat i went tru is nothing compared to them...
u have a point. i had to fight wiz my fierce, emo and hope to show my babies that i am as strong as them

zuhaini:
knp Alia masuk NICU?

mamalisa said...

Yup Alisa also prem bb, at 30 weeks, born weight 890g. Dia mmg tough bb, Alhamdulillah Allah panjangkan umur dia even dia diuji lagi sekrg..such Big test for us.

I pun ade anak yg meninggal dalam perut, everytime ingat mesti rindu sangat kan, insyaAllah we will meet them in Heaven. Allah ada perancangan yg lebih baik. Amin.

take care :)

Jiey^Mien said...

Al-Fatihah to arwah Alesya.. As for the other two, love to see how active they're. Hopefully, Rayyan will be just like them!

I hope Allah wll give me strength to share Rayyan's story one day.. Brave like u!!

hana jahudi said...

happy birthday kiddos!

doesn't mean u get 2 birthdays ur whole life yahh :P

luv much

suryati said...

i still remember when i followed ur blog bout ur babies nyer progress n dat time i lom ada my baby n i tot will i be as strong as u if i hv to go tru ur experience (anak msk spital satu hari psl jaundice pun dah mcm gila meroyan). now bila tgk harith n athirah dah besar, tak sangka dulu2 masa baru lahir tak sampai sekilo pun. i really salute u n ur family.

Al-Fatihah to arwah Alesya, im sure she is waiting for u and her siblings at jannah...

Anonymous said...

salam,
munirah
they are really miracle babies..

btw, munirah,
boleh explain further tak ttg gag reflux.. my fatimah amani lahir pada usia kandungan 35 minggu 5 hari... walaupun hanya tinggal 2 hari utk cukupkan 36 minggu, she was still considered as premature baby.. (hukm specialist said so)the reasons were : 1)masa lahir kepalanya benjol coz I salah cara teran, yg benjol tu rasa lembut bila ditekan sakit n terpaksa makan ubat tahan sakit selama seminggu juga.. 2)kalau dilihat pada jari jemari dia masa lepas lahir tu mmg ala2 lutsinar.. macam baby dalam ultrasound tu.. 3)masuk NICU 2 kali(3 hari- hosp ampang n 2 malam di hosp temerloh) coz jaundice berpanjangan - 40 hari berpantang tu mmg ualng alik klinik every 3 days untuk amik darah...

mungkin tak terrific n terrible mcm harith n athirah tapi anak yang lahir ni kita tak boleh ambil for granted... the different of 2 days do matter..

berbalik pada soalan, my fatimah amani at least mesti demam sekali dalam sebulan.. lebih2 lagi lps stop breastfeed after 6 months..makan minum nampak berselera, tapi bila tgh tak sihat mesti dia akan muntahkan semula.. mcm you cerita ttg athirah..mmg muntahkan semua keluar mcm air paip/ terjun.. kesian tgknya..
after become 1 yr ni hari tu masuk hospital.. tapi doctor tak dapat nak detect what's her prob..sbb fatimah sgt riang ria and active (mcm athirah juga the explorer..)

cuma bila you sebut ttg gag reflux tu buat I terfikir.. masalah yang sama ke..?
plz do share info about gag reflux tu ye..
tqvm

UmmiFatimah

a NuTty StuDent said...

subhanallah, tak pernah lagi tengok kembar tigani..this is my first time!teruja tengok.

anyway, salam perkenalan

regards

mOmmy of Triplets said...

mamalisa:
wahh tat's small for a 30weeker. slalu tgk 30 weeker above 1kg. but then again 30weeker alhamdulillah most internal organ dah matured kn. brapa lame ur gal kat hospital mase tu?

jiey^mien:
I'm sure Allah will give you all the stregth you need and of coz I shall pray for rayyan's well being

hana a.k.a wanderrr
oh tat's nothing wrong of having 2 bday..in fact they are having 3 bday..nk kire calender Islam punye gak lah
so keep the present coming wan derrr =)

Suryati:
tu lah, my mom pun slalu kate...tak sangka dulu kecik less than a kilo now alhamdulillah they are like any other babies.

and about the strength i had..my husband was my stronger back bone at tat time =)

mama shmontel said...

u guys are really blessed! :')

mOmmy of Triplets said...

Ummi Fatimah,
alamak...im not an expert in all this. i tau roughly jer.nway this was wat i shared with another blogger yang anak die pun ade reflux problem (i copy paste je lah ye wat i told her..hihi):

yang pasal memancut kuar mcm water fountain tu is call gag reflux. aed mcm 'gate' yg suppose to prevent their food from naik blk is not matured since they r preemie.tu their food memancut kuar. kirenye 'gate' tu tak function fully. once dh start solid pun u'll face the same problem. certain food mmg takleh mkn...tekak die sure muntah blk. some of it are bubur, pisang, labu athirah takleh. tp ikut nasib gak...kadang2 bleh.

i found this in the website...

Feeding problems
1. Spitting
• Prematures tend to spit more than term newborns. The
“valve” or opening between
the esophagus (tube that connects the mouth and the stomach) and the stomach is not tight, so he tends to spit up small amounts with feeding and burping.
• If spitting becomes a serious problem, your baby may be tested for gastro–esophageal reflux (called G–E reflux or reflux).
• Reflux means formula comes up from the stomach into a part of the esophagus (tube that connects the mouth and stomach).
• Reflux may cause vomiting, apnea (short periods when
your baby does not breathe) or result in failure of your baby to gain weight.
• If your baby has reflux, the doctor may recommend placing him on his stomach or right side after feeding, raising the head of the bed slightly or thickening the formula with cereal
• Reflux usually slowly improves and finally disappears at 3–4 months corrected age in some babies and not until 9–12 months in others.

tp yg bukan born premie pun can face this reflux problem..contohnye my mom. smpai ke tua ni die masih ade problem. tgh syok2 makan die tecekik in which bkn cam kite if tecekik we minum air. but in her case, kena kuar kan all balik...valve tu tak accept the food ke bawah..so kena muntah kn blk.

Mrs. Amie said...

oh mine.. how's sweet.. even dah tggal 2, the 3rd one still yours and always be yours.. i rasa mcm kenal u nie.. tapi xtahu kat mana..

Mama Pink said...

Hi Adik Munirah,

My sister's baby is also a premature baby as my sister gave birth to her baby at 6 1/2mths too. Her baby is still in the incubator. We (the other family member) still have no idea how she looks like as her parent are allowed to see her. We pray that the baby will be fine. Anyway, I will suggest to my sister to read your blog as an encouragement and moral support.

Anyway, your babies are adorable. :)

mOmmy of Triplets said...

mrs amie:
hmm..mcm kenal? kat mane ye?
skttdi(1)? smdj? uia?

mama pink:
as i read ur comment bout ur sister's baby...it brought me back to those days where we had to endure all the stress and anxiety upon looking at my lil ones.
tell ur sista to be brave as her baby needs her now...
and i'll be more than happy to share my experience with her.
she can mail me anytime at munirahpunye@yahoo.com

oh btw, which hospital is her baby in?

Mama Pink said...

Dear Munirah,

My sister is current at my mom's hse in TTDI. Her baby is at PPUM.
Thank for the email add. :)

mOmmy of Triplets said...

oh, im staying in ttdi gak. chop u ttdi mane ni? yg kt OU ke ttdi kt shah alam?

my babies were in PPUM gak, we've made frens with the nurses and doctors there. they are bunch of great people!

can also YM me instead of email =)

MommyAdam said...

munirah,
i lambat baca! nak nangis woo baca entry ni...you're so strong..i don't know how you handle watching your babies suffer...alhamdulillah mcm tak sangka they're so big and healthy and cute now! =)

alfatihah for arwah...

mOmmy of Triplets said...

mommyadam:
hmm, maybe sbb my babies tak byk ragam time tu. it's either they sleep or if they are awake, their face look rather calm.
so it makes me feel calm too. i choose to believe they were not suffering.
infact, since timing kami datang each day quite consistent, if we all dtg lmbat nurse kate, diorang dh bukak mata tunggu...

Anonymous said...

thanks munirah for the answer about reflux...
just 1 more,
tapi kalau tak jawab pun tak pe..

I macam curious pulak bila munirah pakaikan harith n athirah pampers berbeza.. ada kaitan dengan their health jugak ker..ataupun mmg gifts drpd kwn2..?

ummifatimah

mOmmy of Triplets said...

ummifatimah:
mase kat hospital they were using pampers pureen. then bile balik, we found out tat it doesnt absorb well. so when hArith start pakai size M we change to huggies. athirAh was still using size S, so she abiskn stok pureen tu.

sue said...

i also delivered premmie baby on 24weeks, and she didnt survive. her weight only 576g, and according to hospital policy they wont do anything and just let go the baby. is it the same case with alesya??? i just wonder. but i didnt mengamuk or whatever, n just agreed with doc, they dont event put the baby in ventilator machine. do not know what exactly i should do, but i just agreed to let go my baby :(. but i accept it with whole of my heart, Allah know better.